school break --//--

i ended my semester prematurely... i suddenly felt so suffocated by everything, worried and always in panic... it doesn't feel good anymore, as much as i want to enjoy my working-student life, it started to feel like a burden to bear... as much as i convince my self to take it one day at a time, and soon the semester will be over, things get more difficult for me... more than the physical restlessness is the emotional and inner stress... it felt like i am making myself suffer... surprisingly, there are no regrets, i didn't even consider that my tuition fee went to waste... my thinking now is: at least i tried, now i know how it was, and now i feel more relax and free... no worries and at peace... :) :) as of now, i can feel that i have not totally given up my masterals, i am just taking a break from it... but when will i go back or will i decide later on not to go back? i am not really yet sure.

another thing, i didn't pass the qualifying exam... well, better luck next time for me? or will i take the exam again? let's see...

3rd decade & counting :)

...well, it's my third decade on earth today... i filed a two-day leave for my birthday... i suppose to attend 615am mass in St Scho, but my laziness kicked in and so i got up from bed at around 8am, since Che woke me up and greeted me with a hug before she left... I checked my phone and have 6 unread messages, the first 6 greeters: tatay, mommee, tita bell, sunny, michiko, and bee; and also kakang mely, if she's still with us, i am pretty sure that she'll be one among the first greeters! ;)

...i ate breakfast, took a bath, then started with my report for tomorrow... i also got touched receiving a birthday text message from our AO, Ms Liza... from that day that i was scheduled for interview in ASPAC until now, she's a big help to me... :) i left past 11am to attend the 12nn mass in Harrisson Plaza chapel... today is a Wednesday, so there's also novena for Mama Mary after the mass...

...we will have pizza and pasta later for dinner! :)))) busog na naman!

...as i celebrate my 30th birthday today, i am so thankful and grateful for everything that has happened to me... i was able to achieve possessing the school ID of the state university in QC, and the government ID of that office along Roxas Blvd near Cuneta Astrodome, i am looking forward to also have the ID issued by the LTO! ;) i am enrolled in a graduate studies (although i am re-assessing myself about it, if i really want to continue) and i am working in that government agency... there are so many things to come and much, much more for me in the future... i am also looking forward if i'll make or break the exam i took last 10 August... that one will also be a big factor for my future plans... of course, i am thinking of a worse scenario but at the same time hoping for the best thing to happen... i am also apprehensive if i will pass it throughout, but i guess i just need to take things one day at a time, one exam at a time... just like what i have read from a blog: don't busy yourself looking ahead at the bumps of the road, not realizing that a big truck is coming your way... things destined to happen will happen no matter what, i am still believing for God's Master Plan for me... and so far, after the all the ups and downs, crying and laughing, smiling and frowning, i have been living a great life, it may not be perfect but it has taught me how live and enjoy, and be grateful... i am so lucky to be surrounded by great people, i have my siblings, i have my parents, relatives, friends, colleagues, and of course, the newest inspiration and source of joy of our family: our little angel, Mely Angelique... i guess, i could not ask for more, but be thankful and grateful for everything... :) :) :)

...as i start my life towards more decades here on earth, i am contended and satisfied on what i have yet also yearning to achieve more goals and plans if God will permits me... it was a great and fulfilling 30 years of my life and i am looking forward for more! :) :) :) :)

although i don't feel like a 30 year old, i am happy to be 30! hahaha!

...escape.

...it's 2:50am, i'm still waiting to be sleepy,,, lately, i went back to my old way of escaping stress - SLEEPING!!! I have not yet finalize my report, but here i am doing nothing about it, then as usual, i will cram on it days before,,, it has been always like that, i haven't changed... :( the pressure is killing me so i am trying to negate my pressure by totally ignoring those things and those associated to it,,, hay!!!

...6th anniversary :) :)

...well, well, well, i didn't realize that today is the 6th anniversary of this blog... 6 years with more than a hundred posts... with my capacity, that number is good enough... :) :) :)

...i guess, writing is my frustration or should i say being a writer is my frustration, because there seems to be a thousand thoughts running on my mind in a minute... and maybe it's good to write them down... i am keeping a journal notebook, and if i am not mistaken, i am on my 8th notebook now... and also, i am a private person (really?!? hahaha!) ...i can be very talkative at times, but still there are things that i rather keep with myself and just keep my mouth shut... :) :) :)

...more years to come, more posts to make, and more memories to keep! cheers to this blog! (i am hoping that my 24 posts in 2009 would be surpassed this year, well, i still have 4 months, so i guess i can make it!) :) :) :)

...sentiments ^^

...today is wednesday, class day again tomorrow... so far, i have been surviving with my class schedule, we just started with our lessons, i still have to go through a lot of challenges... i am grateful that my superiors at work allowed me to leave earlier when i have class and then i will just have longer working hours on other days to offset the hours i won't be in the office... also my professor is kind enough to understand my situation as a student who is working full time...

...i almost had an anxiety attack last week, it's very ME... i always tend to be nervous and worried over things... of course i am afraid to fail or not do things... i know my capacity and i know i am nothing compared with my classmates... i have been struggling, i have worries, and have fears... but to ease those things, i am just taking things one day at a time... i know this too shall pass... this will end in three months time and i hope to earn 6 more units...

******************** it would be my 3rd decade on earth next week :), 3 decades of laughters and tears, joys and pains, jolly times and sad times, smiling and frowning, ups and downs, etc. - in short, 3 decades of contradictions... all kinds of emotional contradictions that have made me who am i, and where am i now... 30 years of being grateful to have a great family, friends, colleagues, acquaintance... my 30th birthday would be special because we have now a very welcome addition to the family, our little angel, Mely Angelique... :) ...i will try to enjoy that day, although i am a bit doubting since i will have a report the next day... but in general, i a really thankful and grateful for everything that have happened to my existence, and looking forward of more challenges and achievement/s... there's more to come, and i will be very happy to go through it all with God's grace and guidance and with all the people around me... :) :) :)

written thoughts

...i am glad that things turned out well, i was thinking last night that the issue will be exaggerated... i know i was also at fault for waiting for the Post's reply, which really came late... i should have set a time frame as to until when will i wait for their action... but as i have said, things are okay now, this should serve as a lesson for me... :)

**********

i will start my first semester for SY 2014-2015 tomorrow, yes, i have class on a weekday... i am just hoping that i won't be late... i need to be in the office before or at 7am so i can leave at 4pm, and catch my 5pm-8pm class... my other class is scheduled on saturdays, 3.30pm-6.30pm... i was not allowed to just enroll one subject/3 units this sem, my adviser said that a student should at least be enrolled in 2 subjsects/6 units, and also so i can finish the program earlier and i won't need to apply for the MRR. also i will need to have my language class pa before i can take the comprehensive exam to attain the masters degree. :)

i am anticipating that it will be a difficult semester for me, but i know that it would not be easy, i just need to do my very best, and at the same time enjoy every second of it as much as possible. :)

...moving on

I saw this un-post blog from Pinky... i wrote this 09 july 2013, judging from the content, i was still emotional back then... i still feel sad from time to time, but just like what they say, TIME can heal wounds... it's been more than a year, many things have happened... but one thing for sure,,, Kakang Mely will always be in our hearts and memories... and her name will live another lifetime...

things happen for a reason, and what happened last june 28 (2013) is not an exception. a part of me is holding unto this, but a bigger part of me is asking WHYs. it just happened so fast like a blink of an eye. just like that. period. what happened is a big surprise. is it possible to rewind it and have that car pass that intersection, perhaps, 10 or 15 minutes later, so it won't have any chance to hit the tricycle??? or what if they just decided to get tricycle from the terminal, there's a possibility that they won't take that route? well, i can go on thinking of all the possibilities to avoid that accident the entire day, but sad to say, at the end of the day, nothing will change... it happened, and we can no longer do anything to change it... :( :( :(

thank you Kakang Mely for everything, thank you for always being there with us, thank you for all the support, thank you for the love and understanding, thank you, thank you! we will surely miss you. you will always be remembered. things will never be the same without you. We love you, i hope you are happy and at peace now.

...mixed :-)

...it's holiday today, so it's lazy tuesday for me... polcon was over a month ago, with few glitches here and there, i can say it was successful... then, just when we are just getting bck to our daily routine and piles of pending works, a visit was scheduled... the visit somehow really tried my patience and i almost give in, well good thing, i was able to maintain my composure and tightly pressing my lips to stop from complaining talking with matching inward sigh have saved me from being an ineffective employee... a round of applause for me please!!! :-)

...the family's little angel was born on 25th of june, and had her baptism on 20th of july, welcome to the family, Mely Angelique!!! :-)

...MAD monday!

Just what Nikki Grace Lim is always saying: it’s so G R R R R R R R R...

... and just like what Angelica Panganiban said in the movie, One More Try: ang pasensya ko konting-konti na lang...

So G R R R R R R R R R R R!!!! What the hell are they doing?!? Are they even working?!? They are being paid but what??? Are they doing something?? Or are they just busily sitting around and just waiting for their paycheck??? My goodness!

nabaha ang files, and then what? That’s the end of it??? Nakakaloka!!!

...monday Fridays ;)

...nakakapagod din. but just like what i've said, there's no easy way to success. yap, it's unfair. we are giving out more than what we should give, yet it's not enough? are they expecting us to be available round-the-clock?

...surprisingly, i am not entertaining the idea of quitting, maybe because this is what i need. i need to know the extent of how much i can do, the challenge to be better, the challenge to give out the best that i can give. the idea that i am functioning. the idea that things are not routinary. the experience of adrenaline rush from time to time. the experience of exhausting all your energy until you just want to stop and cry it all out.

...this is what i want. i am doing something worthwhile. something that years from now, i can say that i did something worth remembering. things that were not just waste of time.

...i am on the right track. this is my plan. this is how i wanted to spend my life.

...looking forward of more monday Fridays! :)

...Post[e]

...people are leaving one by one, i can't help but feel sad kasi very short period of time ko lang sila nakasama...yet i am also happy 'cause finally they will be given na their foreign assignments... seeing them excited, anxious, nervous - totally mixed emotions!!!! i am looking forward for that day when it would be my chance na to leave and experience working in one of the foreign posts :) :) :)

...the feeling of being left behind is a little sad, but i am just looking forward for the day the we will meet again.

Visita Iglesia 2014

VISITA IGLESIA 2014

Good Friday, 18 April 2014

******************************

1. San Juan Nepomuceno Parish, San Juan Batangas

2. San Pedro Bautista Parish, Candelaria, Quezon

3. Our Lady of Perpetual Help, Tiaong, Quezon

4. Queen of the World Parish Church, Tiaong, Quezon

5. San Pablo Cathedral, San Pablo, Laguna

6. Parish of St. Michael the Archangel, San Pablo, Laguna

7. Immaculate Concepcion Parish, San Pablo, Laguna

8. Nagcarlan Church, Nagcarlan, Laguna

9. Liliw Church, Liliw, Laguna

10. St. Mary Magdalene Parish, Magdalena, Laguna

11. Pagsanjan Church, Pagsanjan, Laguna

12. Immaculate Concepcion Parish, Sta. Cruz, Laguna

13. San Antonio de Padua Parish, Pila, Laguna

14. St. Augustine Parish Church, Bay, Laguna

15. St. John the Baptist, Calamba, Laguna

...test ;)

...april 10, 2014 - ever since that date has been confirmed, i tend to look forward for that day to come with anxiety and excitement. i am thinking that it will be a make or break. weeks before that day, the pressure and stress greatly enveloped me, as much as i don't want and how hard i tried not to cry, especially in front of anyone, i broke down. i just felt that i need to release my anxiety that day, i tried to rush going out and hide at the CR, but i lost my composure. i cried in front of them. but i guess, it made me feel more relaxed afterwards. it felt like my emotions will start anew.

...i felt that things become tougher as the date nears, anxiety, stress, frustrations and tiredness, but i somehow felt numb... i was thinking about things after the event... i was just looking forward for the holy week break, cause by that time, it was all over... few days before, things were still unclear, preparations are still not enough, things needed are incomplete... yet i am positive that things will be okay... everything will turn out good... then the event has been indefinitely postponed...

...i initially felt disappointed because it means we will start from scratch all over again once another schedule is set. but as the situation sinked in, i also felt relieved that we will be given more time to prepare... well, at least i now had the idea of how to do things, on how to prepare, on what to expect, on how much effort to exert, and on how i should handle things - tiredness, pressure, anxiety, and i should learn how to have grace under pressure.

...it was a learning experience that i should be reminded always especially whenever things get tough! :)

International Women's Day celebration

Photo from: www.popsugar.com

...the human woman symbol that WE formed last Saturday morning (08 march 2014) at the Quirino Grandstand in celebration of the International Women's Day; yap! I was part of that formation... :) hopefully, it can be included in the Guinness World of Records! :)

...dunno :(

something's wrong... something's bothering me... but i can't really figure it out... i suddenly felt not talking since last night... something's off with me... i realized this morning, what i'm feeling is a little too much... Ron is telling me about her check up, but all i said was "okay"... i did not even greet Angelique... and the worst is i didn't even bother to watch the Thursday episode of BCWMH last night... i am a little weird... and what is more annoying is i cannot pinpoint what is happening to me... i guess it's just the this-and-that emotions that have piled up... i felt like crying, i felt so exhausted, i suddenly felt that i am again suffocated... i am getting annoyed... i am hoping that this thingy be over soon...

it's Friday today, meaning it's Saturday again tomorrow... school day! i don't know what to feel, there are moments that i wanna give up studying, but i cannot because i wanted to have a Masteral Degree, but is it really for me? is going back to school worthy of my time? or should i do other things? we have a scheduled family get-together tomorrow and i am torn between going home and attending my class... the thing is: until now i cannot fully comprehend why i wanted a Masteral Degree? my primary reason is personal growth - i wanted to prove my worth, i wanted to prove that i can do better, i wanted to prove something to myself and to others... i wanted to prove that i am better than this, that i am better than what others thought of me... and of course, my graduate studies may help a bit my career path... i don't know, am i asking too much? am i aiming too high? i really don't know...

after being accepted in AC and getting into this Department, i never thought that i will again come across this feeling... feeling of: am i doing the right thing? where am i really going?

feeling sentimental all over again! :(

...thoughts for the day :D

...the documents were lost in transit, i am relieved it was not our fault, seem like things are okay for now :)

...it's Chinese New Year tomorrow - it's a holiday!!!! i can sleep more and more :D

...it's "wicked" sisters day tomorrow ;)

...2 days more, January 2014 will just be a part of history... time flies... the ticking of the clock seems to be in a hurry... it's getting colder and colder everyday... feels like Christmas! :)

...i am still okay, so far! papers, reports, and workloads are just sitting at the corner waiting to attack me... sad :( ...but one thing for sure, i'll do my best to pass all of them with flying colors...

...now, back to work!!! :) have a nice day ahead everyone! ;)

... :(

...a little stressed this early today, i know it's partly my fault for not monitoring... all i can do now is verify it at the OSEC, i am hoping that everything will be okay... :(

...2014

...happy new year of 2014!!! :)