school break --//--

i ended my semester prematurely... i suddenly felt so suffocated by everything, worried and always in panic... it doesn't feel good anymore, as much as i want to enjoy my working-student life, it started to feel like a burden to bear... as much as i convince my self to take it one day at a time, and soon the semester will be over, things get more difficult for me... more than the physical restlessness is the emotional and inner stress... it felt like i am making myself suffer... surprisingly, there are no regrets, i didn't even consider that my tuition fee went to waste... my thinking now is: at least i tried, now i know how it was, and now i feel more relax and free... no worries and at peace... :) :) as of now, i can feel that i have not totally given up my masterals, i am just taking a break from it... but when will i go back or will i decide later on not to go back? i am not really yet sure.

another thing, i didn't pass the qualifying exam... well, better luck next time for me? or will i take the exam again? let's see...

...stepping forward

the first few days was very difficult, there were awkward silence from time to time... it felt like the first few days, when i still need to think what to say and i just can't comment on things, i felt that i need to be careful on what i will say... i thought the remaining days would be like a mirror of the first few days... the worst is the first day actually, i got hurt, it seemed that they don't really know me...

the following days felt better, it seemed that things have already sinked in... maybe they have already understand, yet the questions still linger, i actually have a definite answer but the way things happen, it seems that my answer will never be accepted... but still, i'm sure of what i did...

i fully understand the consequences and i am ready to surpass them all... it is only now that i somehow stick to something that i want to do, so i'll go for it even if the road ahead of me is so hazy and maybe with super typhoons but i'll be happy to pass through it and be rewarded with sunny atmosphere!!!

shifting...

this is it! this is really it! it's now time to move on. i felt and i saw through your reaction that i somehow disappointed or should i say turned you down with my decision, but the thing is you disappointed me first. i never thought that i'll ever do this, but well, things just pushed me to the limit, small things accumulated and before i knew it, suffocation came in. everything just seemed to get worse, i can no longer see or i can no longer wait to see it get better. i already came to the point that i don't care anymore. i never asked for too much, but i think i deserve better than this. what will happen next is still uncertain, but what i am sure is i want to move on NOW and do something else, and i know i will never regret this. i have been just standing for the past years, it's now time to take a step forward, or maybe take a step backward and take a good look of the things before me and decide where to step forward. i understand that things won't be easy, but i am now ready to take on my doubts, worries, what-ifs and indecisiveness in the past. i am hoping for the best, and i know God will guide me along the way.

positive day!

This happened last Thursday, January 6, 2011.

We were on our way home, Mam Marcelle was ranting about her panget na bag, the leather is damaged and all that; when suddenly we both notice the bag of our kasalubong na girl. In all fairness, the girl is in smart casual attire, seems like she’s working in the office, but her bag is: severely damaged, worse than Mam Marcelle’s bag. We both laughed, not because of the girl’s bag, but because of her rants and I told her, sabi ni Lord, “oi stop na ‘yang walang kwenta nyong reklamo”. As we continue walking, we are both reminded to be thankful on the things that we have, and we are lucky to have the kind of life that we have now.

People often do that, complain over not-so-important things, often feel miserable, often focused on things they don’t have; and we often forget to be appreciate and be grateful on what was given to us. ***************

Later that day, in Libertad area, an ambulance siren was heard, it was coming from behind us. Drivers, as well as by-standers are oblivious. Then all of a sudden vehicles drove to the side one by one, it’s because a boy around 12 yrs old directed them to let the ambulance pass. It is so happy to note that there are still people as young as him who knows what is right to do; but what is touching of that situation is the boy has a disability, his left arm is semi-paralyzed and he is dragging his left foot running along the vehicles directing them to the side.

That day is undeniably a very optimistic one, a perfect moment to reflect on our everyday life, and be grateful on what we have received.

positive thinking

this video should make us realize how blessed we are. he has disability but he was able to do things with his own little way. he did not frustrate himself to have hands to learn how to play the piano. there are times that people complicate their life by making their life busy looking for those things that they don't have, neglecting the blessings that were already given to them.

it is important to see everything around you on its brighter side, have a happy disposition, and think on a positive way.

LET'S ENJOY LIFE!

new

I received a text message from the tutorial center the other day. They offered me to tutor a high school student on Energy and Forces. It could have been a big NO. Why? When I started accepting tutorials four years ago, I have already set my limitations. (1) I won't accept students in high school; and (2) I will never accept if I have to teach about Sciences. Why again? I am just not confident to handle them.

But I replied: Okay I'll do it. I decided to try; there's no harm in trying, right? I decided to take risks, to take challenges; to step out of my comfort zone; and to learn all over again.

Learning

I am lucky to work in a company, which holds office for only 4 days a week. With this kind of schedule, I became interested in looking for some activity/ies on which I can use my free time. I ended up applying in a tutorial center and was been accepted. The tutorial sessions are done in the house of the student.

My first project came in November 2006; this only lasted for a week. I was tasked to assist a grade 3 half-British student to review her lessons in preparation for the week-long periodical exam. I had no difficulties on teaching her the lessons; the problem is her mood, but what can you expect from a 9-yr old girl who has been in class the whole day and then has to read, write, and recite the lessons again and again for another hour at home. She was exhausted and so do I; but I have to maintain my patience, it was the most challenging part of it. I am glad that I survived!

The next assignment was in the middle of 2007. My student was a grade 7 studying in De La Salle Zobel. The name of the school gave me a little doubt of myself. Can I do it? Based on my experience with the first student, lessons nowadays are way, way in advance than what I have studied during my elementary years (more than 10 yrs ago!). With the school he is in, there is no doubt that lessons are not simple, and so I prepared myself for complicated tutorial session with him. My first week was like a do-or-die game, I almost gave up. I’m working in Ortigas and he’s living in Manila, I have to rush to their house after office, catching the MRT and LRT trips to hit the 5:30 schedule. Another challenge for me is the lesson, which indeed is tricky and complicated; and do I still have to emphasize that the student is an achiever, smart and very eager to learn more. I thought of giving up but I accepted the challenge, why not? Aside from the challenges, the only problem that I have encountered is my time. There were days that I was late, and he’s no longer in the mood to study.

After some time, I got used with my new routine. In an instant, I became a student again, studying lessons, especially in Science: the subject matter that hated me ever since! There were times that he’s the one teaching me the lesson, Science is his forte. But with Mathematics, I am the one in charge. I missed solving problems and answering equations, and I really enjoyed doing it again. I think one thing that made our tutorials active is because we complement; I have helped him in his homework because he helped me.

I was his tutor for 8 months, covering his last school year in elementary. It was during those days that I really felt like a student all over again: studying and reviewing for the exam and anticipating for its results, cramming for the project that has to be submitted the next day, etc. Eight months is long enough for me to be affected on anything related to him and his studies. I felt proud whenever he got high grades; and sorry if there is a few not so high grade. I also somehow prayed for him to be one of the graduating honor students. Also, eight months has been long enough for me to be relaxed on our sessions, listening to his and his sister’s stories on what had happened in school that day and other things. It was really fun and a great learning experience for me. If I have to look back on those days, I won’t see the troubles that I have encountered with the MRT and LRT trips, but what would be very visible are the memories of learning and sharing stories with him and his sister. I am glad to have that chance meeting them. I wish them success on whatever path that they will choose; and I hope to share stories with them again.