i'm back!

...well, well, well, it's been more than a year, since i dropped by...

...we got another baby in the family, our Angelique's baby sister, Angela Mcxynne :)))))

...i still haven't returned to AC... not in in the near future, i guess!

...i didn't take the FSO exam this year, i was not able to complete the requirements before the deadline or should i say i am thinking that i am not yet ready to take it again.

...for 2015, we had 2 FM visits (the 2nd one coming tomorrow, wish us luck!!!!) and a state visit, Achieved!

...push! achieve! otwol fever for 2015! :))))

...met new friends: Paula joined the division in December 2014; then she was transferred to another division, which brought Joycie to our division, then Joycie had to leave for her MA studies, which then lead to the division to have Winflor a.k.a. Love, unfortunately, she'll be transferred to another division by January 2016, and which will give way for Rosell a.k.a Madam 2.5 to finally earn the desk officer position, while Ms. Lyza is leaving for her first posting, we will have Sir Marc as the new PA. #RigodonSaDibisyon

...got new tambayan, D'Cream @The Grand Towers, just chit-chatting with Winflow after super-duper-work-mode :)))

...look at the date, it's the 1st day of simbang-gabi, meaning??? It's Christmas 2015 in 9 days!

...dunno :(

something's wrong... something's bothering me... but i can't really figure it out... i suddenly felt not talking since last night... something's off with me... i realized this morning, what i'm feeling is a little too much... Ron is telling me about her check up, but all i said was "okay"... i did not even greet Angelique... and the worst is i didn't even bother to watch the Thursday episode of BCWMH last night... i am a little weird... and what is more annoying is i cannot pinpoint what is happening to me... i guess it's just the this-and-that emotions that have piled up... i felt like crying, i felt so exhausted, i suddenly felt that i am again suffocated... i am getting annoyed... i am hoping that this thingy be over soon...

it's Friday today, meaning it's Saturday again tomorrow... school day! i don't know what to feel, there are moments that i wanna give up studying, but i cannot because i wanted to have a Masteral Degree, but is it really for me? is going back to school worthy of my time? or should i do other things? we have a scheduled family get-together tomorrow and i am torn between going home and attending my class... the thing is: until now i cannot fully comprehend why i wanted a Masteral Degree? my primary reason is personal growth - i wanted to prove my worth, i wanted to prove that i can do better, i wanted to prove something to myself and to others... i wanted to prove that i am better than this, that i am better than what others thought of me... and of course, my graduate studies may help a bit my career path... i don't know, am i asking too much? am i aiming too high? i really don't know...

after being accepted in AC and getting into this Department, i never thought that i will again come across this feeling... feeling of: am i doing the right thing? where am i really going?

feeling sentimental all over again! :(

at random

random thoughts during lunch time

...i want to write so many things but i just don't know how to begin, so maybe i'll just start randomly.

...i was late for four (straight) days this week; too lazy to get up, MRT technical problems, LRT code blue, etc.

...i saw an old group picture with Sir Velandres in Facebook; i am thinking "if he's still here with us, what would be the difference?" everyone just drifted away from each other, physically and emotionally :(

...i am grateful that Mam Del let Ron stay at their house in Calapan, Thank you Lord for letting us know people like her.

...i hope that MTM** will learn how to properly send/re-assign their employees/staff to other places, profit alone won't make them progress; treat your people well and success will follow.

...i hope to be calm and positive on things that are happening; i tend to be drown by them, and just want to shut off everything; so emotionally exhausting!!!

Prandering

It’s only 6:30am, but I’m already here in the office. I left the house very early, and took the earliest LRT & MRT trips. When I get off the MRT, it’s still a little dark and this is my first time to come to the office this early, thanks to the streetlamps, the streets are visible enough. I planned to walk fast so I can easily reach the office, but as I walk I decided to slow down and appreciate the morning and have the so called “prandering”.

I first encounter the word when I read Didache 2011 [ thanks to my sistah, Che, for the Didache! ], the author defined prandering as the combined word for praying and pondering. It was further explained as not exactly a full prayer mode, but not just pondering, because God is guiding the thoughts. It is the moment when we are thinking, analyzing, trying to decide on things that are bothering us or are happening around us, etc.

The word is new to me, but the deed behind the word is not. When I read it, I told myself, “so maybe the more appropriate word is prandering and not daydreaming”, hehehe. I often do that anytime of the day, I often find myself lost on my own thoughts. Since I am usually alone in my area doing my work, I usually (or is it always) pause on what I am doing then start thinking and analyzing. There are times that I thought I came at a dead end, but after “prandering”, there’s a positive feedback, it’s either God has guided me on some ideas or options on what I should do.

Looking back, I’ve been doing it since I was in college; I usually go to school early, then I’ll just be staying in the PGH Chapel letting my thoughts flow freely; it makes me feel so peaceful and relaxed.

Walking from the MRT station to the office is a good time for prandering, but it’s just too hard to do especially if I’m running late, hehehe. But this morning is just so perfect: the thick black clouds are slowly fading, letting the morning light take over; the air around is cool, and there are not so many people and vehicles around; I just walked like I’m in the park. It’s so refreshing and relaxing, especially now that I have been cracking my brains on how to resuscitate our publications. I know it will no longer be like a walk in the park for the next few months, I have to start from the scratch for some parts of my work, but I am glad because I’ll now be happily Working (with capital W) and not just happily doing little work. Our financial constraint is still lingering around and now more evident, but God only knows what is best for the company.

“Nobody said that it will be easy, but just stick to it and you’ll soon realize that it is not as hard as what you think it is.”

Lord, thank you so much for waking me up early, and letting me see a beautiful dawn, and thank you for giving me a very serene time for my prandering. I think I should always do this prandering, so I can write often; because it is only when I am at peace that my thoughts can flow freely. So, writing is also my way of prandering? 